Catching up on Past Posts...When I didn't have internet.

 - I talk a lot in this blog about my anxiety level.  I will discuss what happened after this was written later on. There have been ups and downs but thankfully I am getting it back under "control".  I haven't killed anyone yet and I consider that a great big PLUS!!  Melissa - 

And My weekend in Review:  11/12/2011-11/13/2011

·         Hit the Hay early physically Friday.   My new douche bag upstairs neighbor is apparently a weekend father.  Not judging a lot of dads are these days.  HOWEVER, common decency in an apartment complex when you live above someone is to not allow you KIDS to jump and run from one end of the one bedroom of the apartment to the other.  Even after banging on the ceiling didn’t help.  Seriously annoyed the crap out of me. 

·         Saturday attempted to clean the house but I am just so exhausted.  I don’t have the energy that I used do.  Of course I’m packing around a lot more weight than I used.  Think that has something to do with it…because I do.  It’s actually become quite pathetic really.  My busy life outside of work has caused a massive lack of motivation to improve my personal life.  The Anxiety is overwhelming and I really need to figure out a way back.  The lack of accomplishment at home makes me even more depressed and I feel like I can’t breathe anymore.

·         Sunday yet another example of not accomplishing anything.  I did get to spend more time with my husband.  I miss that so much and hate when we’re apart.  We’re newlyweds and get maybe one full day together.  The laziness that was Sunday though caused a massive rift in my Monday.  I wasn’t able to fall asleep until late which cause ridiculous amounts of Anxiety all friggin day.  Well until I made myself down some chamomile tea.  That helped so much.  I may have to do that before bed.

Monday 11/14/2011 Rolled around and I can’t even tell you how horrible it was today.  My anxiety was off the damned charts.  I was shaking (I originally typed shanking which I thought was funny) and could barely type.  That’s not a good thing considering all I do all day is type.  I am hoping that once I get my weight under control my mind and internal body will sync up and I won’t have such anxiety.  I would like to avoid taking meds.  I have a slight pill phobia and would really not like having to pop a pill to regulate myself.  Just goes to show another thing that I’ve let out of my control.

Food wise I was pretty good.  Had breakfast, a reasonable lunch (and by reasonable I mean I didn’t put cheese on my enchiladas), and dinner.  Dinner I could have gone healthier but I did do smaller portions than what I would have done.  Once step at a time, right.

I can’t wait for Friday.  I’ll get to go grocery shopping and buy stuff that will help me in shrinking my stomach so I don’t eat as much.  I’m not going to try some fad diet (right now the HCG diet is floating around the office but personally I don’t see 500 calories as healthy or smart).  I’m also going to look at getting me some walking shoes.  I used to walk three miles to work 5 days a week and I miss it.  This is the part when I get pissed off at myself because of what I’ve become.  I wasn’t a toothpick but I was in much better shape.  I could walk around for hours and be fine.

NO DWELLING…must move forward.  I miss the Melissa I used to be and I hope to get there again soon.  My life literally depends on it.

Melissa