Insecure...I think so...

EPIC FAIL…

I don’t know what happened to me this week but I seriously feel like such a failure.  I had all these great plans to get my new gym membership and I bought my new workout shoes…and I friggin failed….AGAIN.

It’s been kind of an emotional week for me.  I am not going to go into great detail because I’m not super proud of how I found out but I kind of took a HUGE blow to the old self esteem.  It was hard to see because this person already knows how I felt about the whole situation.  I was feeling pretty raw and totally fell back into my “self destructive” habits…I ate a ton of chocolate and jelly beans.  OH and to make it even more fun…I’ve been having my dreams again.  Whenever I get super stressed out I have the dreams that include all of my insecurities.  I hope that one day I can get over that hump.  

I was watching an episode of One Tree Hill (HS drama is my guilty pleasure) and there was one where they talked Brooke and her feelings of not being enough.  Not pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough...just not enough.  I've watched this show a million times and for 10 million more reasons it really hit the insecurity nerve.  I wonder how people truly get over the feeling of not feeling like enough.  I can talk and talk and talk about not letting the words, the images, the comments, and the other people bother me but the truth is it still does.  

I don't know if those feelings ever go away.  It seems like life is always there to show us that it can kick us down at any moment.  How do we over come the kicks?  How when we are at our lowest do we remember who we really are?  How do we ever convince our hearts and our minds to work together and show ourselves that we do matter; we are enough.  

I wonder though, if all of us have the same insecurities in some form or another; why do we point out others?  Why do we feel the need?